


sharp

by ivelostmyspectacles



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Autistic Jonathan Sims, Gen, Gen Work, Sensory Processing Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 15:20:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20293639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivelostmyspectacles/pseuds/ivelostmyspectacles
Summary: The world was all sensation and, on occasion, Jonhatedit.





	sharp

The world was all sensation and, on occasion, Jon _ hated _ it.

They had five senses to work through– sight, smell, hearing, taste, touch– each fraught with its own frailties as he’d come to recognize through his life. Each was a tiny battle, each falling into every single day because there were things you _ couldn’t _ avoid. Public transport. Work chatter. Fluorescent lights. But those were just a _ him _ thing, Jon was pretty sure. Most people probably didn’t flinch over a door slamming, or abandon lunch if the water hadn’t evaporated entirely in the rice. Tiny little things, inconsequential in the scheme of things. When they had been _ attacked by worms, _ for God’s sake, someone shouting across the parking lot barely mattered.

Technically, he could say it was by fault of work. Their work _ was _ a good reason for being jumpy, and it certainly hadn’t helped him. But these problems had stemmed well from childhood, when his grandmother would chastise him for cowering in the corner and plugging his ears during the intermittent thundershower. Mostly gone were the days of plugging his ears over anything, even if thunder still made him anxious when the days were long and his tolerance was short. But sensation was still a battle, back from the very beginning of childhood, right up to joining up at the Institute, up to now.

* * *

“Hey, Jon, did you–”

Jon jerked when Tim grabbed at his wrist. He hadn’t _ seen _ him come out of anywhere, let alone reach out to grab his hand to stop him walking away, but sudden touch was… _ not _ one of Jon’s favourite things and he half wrenched his hand away the moment after Tim had grabbed it.

“Woah, sorry.” Tim held up his hands. “Didn’t mean to freak you out.”

“I– no, you’re–” Jon clenched his teeth, and blew out a short breath from between them. _ You’re in my personal space. _ ** _I_ ** _ don’t like being startled. _ He was… overreacting. Jon forced himself to relax, and smoothed his palms against his thighs. “I don’t. Like casual touch,” he managed, nearly having to spit the words out nonetheless. Tim was loud and boisterous and almost a godawful kind of cheerful; if Jon didn’t warn him off now, he’d end up having to put up with far more of this than he was able to handle.

“Oh.”

Jon puffed out a short breath, annoyed and anxious in turns, absolutely certain Tim would laugh him off and continue with whatever he had begun to say. They barely knew each other– Tim was one of the newest recruits here, not that Jon had been a researcher so long, either, but he just seemed like the kind of guy who–

“Sorry,” Tim said again, a little more genuine and a little less _ reflex. _ “Didn’t know.” Before Jon could even begin to process the fact that he sounded _ serious, _ Tim was carrying on. “Did you finish off that one report I pawned to you? They want it by three.”

He sounded serious, and he was just… moving on without seeming baffled by it. That… wasn’t the usual response. Long ago were the days of playground teasing, but _ still… _

“Helloooo? Jon?”

“Er–” Right, focus. The report. “Yeah– yes, I’ve finished it. I’ve just left it in the library. I can bring it over to you in a few minutes.”

_ “Great. _ Thanks, Jon, you’re a lifesaver. Buy you lunch,” he promised, already heading down the hall.

“That’s– really not necessary,” Jon called, but Tim just waved over his shoulder. This time, it was Jon who was left flummoxed, standing in the hallway and staring after his co-worker as he went.

“Something wrong?”

“I–” _ Stop whinging, Jonathan. Just eat it. _ “They’ve mucked about with my order,” he said pathetically, and folded the sandwich back into the greasy paper.

“Huh? They’ve never messed up one of my orders.”

“That’s nice, isn’t it?” Jon snapped at Tim, and then sighed. He should have known better than to trust any of their recommendations on takeaway, but he’d ordered the first burger he’d pulled up from the menu in order to get back to work, even though he was _ sure _ he specified what he did and didn’t want on it. 

“What’s wrong with it?” Martin asked, leaning over the table to look. “Get the wrong thing?”

“No. They forgot to leave off the mayonnaise.”

_ “Mayonnaise?” _ Tim repeated. “Wait, that’s it?”

“It’s _ abhorrent.” _

“Just scrape it off.”

“It’s still going to taste of it.”

“It’s not very great,” Martin agreed.

“You want mine?” Sasha offered, holding out her sandwich. “It’s a chicken, but I’ll swap your burger.”

“Aww. Good, ol’ Sasha.”

“Can’t let our new Archivist go without lunch,” she said, eyes playful. Even if there… was something deeper there that Jon couldn’t exactly figure out, as she offered the sandwich again. “Come on, Jon. No big deal.”

… not that he wanted to force Sasha to eat his burger, but it also meant he wasn’t going to have _ lunch _ without it, and he couldn’t afford to order anything else in. And, if she didn’t mind… 

“Thanks,” he muttered, just a little sheepish. Because _ you’ll sit here until you eat your vegetables, Jonathan, don’t be fussy, Jonathan, you’re not leaving this table until you finish your dinner, Jonathan. _ His grandmother had been kind, but she had been stern. And Jon, these days, was all too aware of how much of a problem child he had been. As it was, he didn’t think there were so many adults that were so much of a _ picky eater _ to forgo an entire lunch over misplaced mayonnaise. It was just another one of those quirks of his.

“No problem. I mean, honestly,” Sasha said, unwrapping the burger again, _ “I’m _getting a burger, it’s the better deal.” She grinned, and took a bite.

She was probably right, but the chicken sandwich was sans mayonnaise and actually quite tasty, so Jon– at this age– was absolutely not complaining.

The headache was going to blow into something far worse, and Jon was desperate to avoid that at all costs. Most costs. Rightfully, he should go lie down, but he _ needed _ to finish this research before he left and it was nearing the time to go anyway. Taking a nap now would be ludicrous. So, he was trying to push through, massaging his temples as the throbbing continued.

It had just been a mess, today. It felt like everyone had done their damndest to be uncomprehendingly _ loud, _ to the point where the ticking of the clock made him want to… he didn’t know. Tear his hair out. Or scream, except that was _ more _ noise. Cry, then, maybe. Oh, Christ, he didn't know.

He was just about to do… something when the lights went out in his office. For a moment, he didn’t know if he was surprised or annoyed or _ relieved, _ but when he looked up, it was _ Martin _standing in the doorway, hand on the lightswitch, looking a little wary.

Jon physically _ felt _ the unassurance meld into annoyance. “Martin–” he started.

Martin interrupted. “Sorry, I just…” He hesitated, then dropped his hand from the light. “You’ve got sensory stuff, right?” Jon blinked. “And you’ve– you’ve had a headache, so I thought, maybe– I mean, I can turn it back on but it should help you a little with it off, probably.”

… Martin was right, honestly. Keeping it off _ would _ help. He just hadn’t expected that was _ why _ Martin had turned it off, of all things.

The unassurance turned annoyance turned… _ exhaustion. _ Jon let out a breath he felt like he’d been holding the entire day, and slumped back into his chair. “Yeah…” He cleared his throat. “Right. Thank you, Martin, you can leave it off.”

For it being his choice to act, Martin looked _ relieved _ himself that he didn’t have to turn it back on. Vaguely, Jon wondered if he had any experience with this sort of stuff himself. He didn’t want to ask. “Good,” Martin chirped. “And I know you’re probably gonna head out soon, especially with that headache, but, uh, I could make some tea? Not be grating on the ‘this might help you relax’ shtick, but chamomile might _ actually _help? And if not, there’s green, or– or just the usual. If you want any. But you should probably drink something.”

In that moment, he didn’t quite have the heart to tell Martin _ anything _ warm would be comforting right now, probably. But he was right, again. He probably _ should _ drink something. Dehydration definitely wasn’t going to help the headache, if it came to that. “Sure,” he agreed, trying not to be as listless as he felt. He wanted nothing past that hot cup of tea and to put his head down on the desk, but he’d try to avoid the latter. “Just the usual, thanks.”

“Right. Back in a jiff, then.” Martin paused at the door, and then curled his fingers around the doorknob to pull it slightly behind him. “I’m gonna close this, too. Until I come back, at least. Just because.”

“Right,” Jon said wearily, and didn’t try to pretend he wasn’t grateful for that, too.

Martin smiled, something like rewarding and encouraging altogether. “Back in a minute,” he repeated, and pulled the door behind him.

… and Jon couldn’t quite help it, he couldn’t quite stop himself from pillowing his head on his arms to wait for Martin to come back. The room was darker, and quieter, and with the promise of something familiar on its way. Maybe the day was levelling out, then. God, Jon _ hoped _ so.

For the time being, he closed his eyes and waited, and relished in this makeshift version of deprivation, and relaxed, just a little.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been turning the idea over for a long while (since... almost I started listening otl) that our Archivist falls somewhere on the spec and would absolutely have SPD with it and I finally got around to writing it! also! fun fact! writing sensory shit ain't good when you're feeling overloaded anyway! the things you learn! LOL orz
> 
> positive reassuring boundary respecting supportive friends all the way 😔✊


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